She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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