bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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