Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
