what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
