So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
