things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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