Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
