I didn't shave. On purpose
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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