my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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