if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
