just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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