She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
