On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
