So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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