Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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