i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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