I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
