apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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