I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
