The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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