You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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