So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
