There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
