Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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