How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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