So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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