Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
