whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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