You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
