I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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