Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
