idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex on a dog bed..
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