I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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