Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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