I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
