I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what day is it and did you see me today?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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