I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
