I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
