Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
