he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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