Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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