just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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