This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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