I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
