It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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