Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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