trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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