He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
