the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
