There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
