You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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