Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
