i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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