fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
