Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
