What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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