i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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