I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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