Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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