even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
