i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
