i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
