a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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