I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
