I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
