You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
