my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
