I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Naked Twister starts at high noon
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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