I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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