do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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