she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
