I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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