I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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