Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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