You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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